Greenlands Indoor Programs Graduate Assistant

Well this week started a new page in the Opinionator's book. Since the book that is my life has already won countless awards from the Hugo and Nebula awards for science fiction/fantasy, to the Heisman Award for best all around college football performance, this new chapter is bound to be a winner. That said, welcome to this new chapter entitled: Greenlands Indoors Program Graduate Assistant.

My job here at the University is to promote the idea of indoor activity among the increasingly outdoor prone young adults that are attending Greenlands. I'm hoping to ignite a spark in these eager, active, adventurous college students and introduce the young American ideals of chillin', relaxin', and chillaxin'. The Indoor Programs strives to remove the fire from under these students ass' and replace it with a comfortable cushion or a car seat. We promote sedentary, limited lives that revolve around weekly television programs, driving 3-5 minutes to class, and drinking high quantities of alcohol.

I arrived at my new position to find a room full of student leaders watching this dank movie of some surfers shredding some serious gnar. Now in the hour I spent with them before they diverted their attention from the TV, I learned half the vocabulary used in the previous sentence (words like dank, shredding, serious, and gnar). I was some-what immediately welcomed to this community of laze, offered the corner cushion seat, and given my choice of movie. I learned that movies are not the only choice I had. TV on DVD, Documentary, and Indie Film also rule this program of the indoors (most of which have corresponding drinking games). Who knew all these options were right at the tip of my remote!

So I begin this chapter with subdued anticipation. Indoor Programs will not only provide me with a paycheck, but it will also open the doors of entertainment cabinets and cars just a short, level, walk away. More importantly, it will empower me with the ability to pass my knowledge on to an impressionable generation, ensuring that they will continue to respect the indoors and develop their interest well inside the gates of Greenlands. So here's to you Indoor Programs. May your guidance help me experience action, adventure, comedy, romance, drama, and sports all from the comfort of my home.

Andrew
Official Greenlands GA and the Opinionator